Recent Kate pictures and my new favorite song.

Kate on a helicopter ride while in Hawaii.

 Kate holding her daddy's hand on the way to the helicopter. Such a moving picture.

 Kate, her sister, Olivia, and brother, Will, watching the sunset in Hawaii.

  Kate having so much fun in Hawaii before having another MRI and beginning chemotherapy again.

Kate before she had surgery Friday to place a port to start chemotherapy once again.

 Kate a little grumpy after surgery, but it went great!

You  Give Me Hope

By: Between the Trees

I look,

At your smiling face.

You're so weak,

Yet you have such strength.

You take,

A glance around this place.

You make,

The best,

Of everything.

You give me hope,

In-spite of everything.

You show me love,

Even with so much pain.

So, I'll take this life,

And live like I,

Was given another try.

We laugh,

We cry.

Sometimes we're broken,

And we don't know why.

When I'm tired,

And I lose my way.

You help me find faith.

You give me hope.

In-spite of everything.

You show me love,

Even with so much pain.

So, I'll take this life,

And live like I,

Was given another try.

Just give me another try.

You give me hope,

In-spite of everything.

You show me love,

Even with so much pain.

So, I'll take this life,

And live like I,

Was given another try.

You give me hope,

In-spite of everything.

You show me love,

Even with so much pain.

So, I'll take this life,

And live like I,

Was given another try.

Just give me another try.

just give me another try.

 

I needed to get this out.

Long time no post. Between being extremely depressed, not wanting to get depressed when feeling happy, and not having enough time, I haven't posted. Silence is all you'll get from me.

Last night was senior night of dance recital. I'll miss the seniors so much. To Kelsey, you're one of the best dancers I know. I look up to you so much. I'll never forget you and your hair, lol. I know you're not going far and you'll definitely be back. To Veronica, as I was watching you tonight at age ten, I notice you haven't changed much. Ahaa, you're still the same Veronica. You're a great dancer. Even at age ten, you were up on stage just a smiling. You shine. To Rachael, you crazy nut. I'll miss hearing you sing LOUD next year. It's going to be so quiet. I don't know what we're going to do. I only met you this year but you're great. You and your crazy eggself. I'll never forget you rolling on the floor like an egg. To Jessica, the hardest one. We spent all year together. We got through thick and thin with those little girls. I'll never forget all your bunny hops. The time you told me about your Saturday. Haha, that really showed me. You may be a bubble head but I love ya! At least the best part of you being a senior is, you don't have to put up with the little girls anymore. Wish me luck next year... You made me laugh so much this year. It won't be the same without you. Thanks for assisting with me this year. You too, Rachael. It was great. You both really made this year memorable.

To my other friends that dance. To Caitlin- I love you. You are so funny sometimes. And I'm still jealous of how long your hair is. You better not cut it! We had some good times this year. And your hair looked beautiful after Megan and Emily did it last night. xD To Taylor- You funny nut with the Pebbles' hair. I'll never get that picture out of my mind of you and that hair. I love it. Ahaha. You are just hilarious. Boy obsessed, too. To Kaitlynne- You are the best. I pick on you but it's cause I love ya. I missed you last night at Los Tres! You loser. Kidding. I'll miss you this summer but you better text me! To Kendall- I love you girll. All our crazy times. All the drama this year. We stood by and nothing stopped us! I'm gonna miss doing your hair for Crazy. That was so much fun. Being your assistant. We rock Chipmunk Party backstage! I could say so many things about you. You're one of the funniest people I have ever met. It's great. I'll miss you the most. Most of the other girls I'll see. But not you. ): You need to text me, too!

Kate's almost done!

 Kate getting proton brain radiation to the 2 new tumors last week.

 Kate at the movies in Houston after brain and spine radiation a couple weeks ago.

Tomorrow is Kate's last day of proton radiation. Of course, I am so glad she is finally done, but it scares me because I don't want any cancer cell untouched. I'm glad she won't have to be bolted down a table (hopefully) every again.I just hope no cancer cell survives. There will be after radiation treatment, but they aren't sure what to do quite yet. Chemo? Maybe. Other drugs? Maybe. She will soon get an MRI to make sure the cancer has not returned to the original tumor bed. The tumor bed has not been radiated these past 8 weeks. I pray the cancer is not there, too. She will also be scheduled to have a port placed again. She had her removed once she finished radiation last year. She didn't need one for radiation since she wasn't put under sedation.

Pray tomorrow, if there are any cancer cells left that they would be destroyed.

Pray for comfort, peace, and God's work for Kate and her family.

Pray for the right direction for the next course of treatment.

Saturday night,

Saturday night was a bad night.I listened to my iPod. I didn't meanto cry like I did. I was listening to it on shuffle. Everything was good. Then, One Last Christmas came on by Matthew West. 

The song was written for 2 year old Dax who the doctors said wouldn't make it to see Christmas. He was diagnosed with AML at only a year old. He went through 2 bone marrow transplants, but the cancer still spread. He was sent home to live the rest of his life. His family prayed he would make it for one last Christmas. First, his parents put up the Christmas lights early in case he didn't make it. Then, the neighborhood. Then, the whole town. Then, people all over the world. People put up their Christmas lights just for Dax. Dax made it to one last Christmas and flew to heaven on December 30, 2009.

Well, the song came on. Every time I listen to it, it makes me cry. Every single time. So, I cried. I decided that I was going to reflect on every child that I was touched by. I listened to Hey Ellie, Layla, Whenever Savannah Smiles, Little Light, Streets of Heaven, Braid My Hair, Hands, Only Grace, Hope Now, What Faith Can Do, and many more songs that remind me of these kids. And I cried and cried and cried. I cried until I couldn't hold my eyes open anymore. It's been a long time since I cried myself to sleep. October actually.

My heart was having a heavy night.

THANK YOU LORD!

ETHAN'S SCANS WERE CLEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so overjoyed at the news from yesterday!

I can't believe it.

THANK YOU GOD!!!!!

Ethan has NOT relapsed!

I cried and cried when I saw the news.

 This is a picture of Ethan from the night they found the mass. He was still smiling even though it might have meant his cancer was back. He is my true hero.

GO ETHAN!

KICKING CANCER'S BUTT!

WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH! 

 

I HATE YOU, CANCER!

 I hate all cancer. I hate rhabdomyosarcoma. I hate neuroblastoma. I hate supratentorial primitive neuroectodermal tumor. I hate Wilm's tumor. I hate craniopharyngioma. I hate adrenocortical carcinoma. I hate acute lymphoblastic leukemia. I hate acute myeloid leukemia. I hate acute promyelocytic leukemia. I hate myelodysplasia. I hate primitive neuroectodermal tumor. I hate atypical teratoid/ rhabdoid tumor. I hate hepatoblastoma. I hate  diffuse instrinsic pontine glioma. I hate ependymoma. I hate astrocytoma. I hate osteosarcoma. I hate Ewing's sarcoma. I hate pleuropulmonary blastoma. I hate malignant fibrous histocytomas. I hate rhabdoid tumor. I hate hepatocellular carcinoma. I hate retinoblastoma. I hate medulloblastoma. I hate lymphoblastic lymphoma. I hate Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. I hate Hodgkin's lymphoma. I hate choroid plexus tumor. I hate colorectal carcinoma. I hate desmoid tumors. I hate desmoplastic small round cell tumor. I hate endocrine tumors. I hate ganglioglioma. I hate non-rhabdomyosarcoma soft tissue sarcoma. I hate germ cell tumors. I hate melanoma. I hate oligodendroglioma. I hate optic pathway tumor. I hate all cancers. I hate cancer! I hate it all!

Ethan.

 

 Ethan had been having pains in his side for the past few weeks. I was hoping it would be just a little pain from his medicine. But today, we learned otherwise.

This morning Ethan had an ultrasound. A few hours later, they got the results.

There is a mass near his liver.

Ethan has been cancer free for 6 months.

His last scans in early February were clear.

Ethan came down with BK virus two months ago and was unable to continue with maintenance chemotherapy that his parents worked so hard to get him.

It took 2 months for 2 of his BK tests to come back clear.

When this happened last week, he was planning to start his next round of maintenance today.

He had treatment this morning, but he probably will not be able to continue.

Ethan will have a CT scan in the morning.

I pray with all my heart that a miracle happens and the mass is gone or at least not cancerous. A cyst maybe.

Anything. Anything. Anything but cancer.

My heart is broke.

After February, I was hoping the relapse thing was over.

But.

Obvisiously not.

Kate finished with brain and spine radiation yesterday! Today, she started proton radiation to the 2 new tumors that were found in February. I pray every cancer cell is killed. Every single cell. Her hair has all fallen out, too. She shaved it a couple weeks ago to make it easier. She will soon lay her hair out and let the birds make a nest out of it like Daisy.

 God willing she is done with cancer treatment forever! GO DAISY!Daisy's hair has begun to come back. You see those little blond hairs. It's not much but it's growing! Yay!

 I had a special dream last night.

I got to meet Kate.

I was in a restaurant and I saw Kate with her mom, dad, and brother. I'm not sure where her sister was. I ate and walked over to them. Kate looked sick and tired. It broke my heart. She didn't smile while I was talking to her. She just laid there with her head on her mom's shoulder. She looked like she didn't feel good. I talked with Will some, too. He was a sweetie. My parents called me and told me we had to leave. I gave Kate a hug, told her I hoped she felt better, and walked away. As I turned back to wave goodbye one last time, Kate raised her head up, waved back, and gave me the biggest smile I'd ever seen.

It was amazing. I hope one day I'll actually be able to meet this princess and when I do, I hope she feels great and is cancer free! <3