Saturday night,

Saturday night was a bad night.I listened to my iPod. I didn't meanto cry like I did. I was listening to it on shuffle. Everything was good. Then, One Last Christmas came on by Matthew West. 

The song was written for 2 year old Dax who the doctors said wouldn't make it to see Christmas. He was diagnosed with AML at only a year old. He went through 2 bone marrow transplants, but the cancer still spread. He was sent home to live the rest of his life. His family prayed he would make it for one last Christmas. First, his parents put up the Christmas lights early in case he didn't make it. Then, the neighborhood. Then, the whole town. Then, people all over the world. People put up their Christmas lights just for Dax. Dax made it to one last Christmas and flew to heaven on December 30, 2009.

Well, the song came on. Every time I listen to it, it makes me cry. Every single time. So, I cried. I decided that I was going to reflect on every child that I was touched by. I listened to Hey Ellie, Layla, Whenever Savannah Smiles, Little Light, Streets of Heaven, Braid My Hair, Hands, Only Grace, Hope Now, What Faith Can Do, and many more songs that remind me of these kids. And I cried and cried and cried. I cried until I couldn't hold my eyes open anymore. It's been a long time since I cried myself to sleep. October actually.

My heart was having a heavy night.