Kate's brain radiation is going well. She is able to do it awake which is excellent for a child. Kate amazes me everyday. My heart breaks knowing her hair will start to fall out around the end of the week or next week. I'll miss her beautiful hair. But hopefully, she will go back to remission and be able to grow it back once more! That will be a happy day! Until then, I will cherish the pictures of her with hair. I just can't believe after all she's been through she will once again have to lose her hair. This will be the 3rd time she lost her hair. When diagnosed, when she had her stem cell transplant (she just had peach fuzz BUT hair!), and now. Cancer SUCKS!
Savannah Hope Swandel
2/23/00-3/21/11
Savannah's battle ended today at 12:18 p.m. She fought rhabdomyosarcoma for 5 years. She was diagnosed at the age of 5. 5 years old and her world was changed forever. Savannah has inspired many. She inspired me. She stole the heart of many people including mine.
Sometimes, I don't know what I would do without the kids. Tonight is one of those nights. Some days, I feel like I can't take the heartache anymore. But I come to realize, they are part of me now. There is no way I could abandon them. Especially, precious ones still fighting. I don't want to learn 20 years from now that one has passed. Thinking all that time they were doing good. I remember when I learned about a little girl named Bizzie passing. It was about 3 weeks or so when I heard. I was so mad at myself for not making sure she was okay. Now, I realize there is no way I could have looked at every kid. I have probably 400, maybe more, kids I follow. I can't look at them all in a few weeks. Less all in one day. My heartaches with these families. I can't imagine what they're going through. I've never lost a child. I've never had a child. But I know when I do, I'll cherish mine a little more because I've seen them be taken away. I've looked at any child different since February 17, 2010. It's amazing how much these kids can change your life. You see what they go through in one day and it truly inspires you forever. I know from personally experience. Last night, I thought the day was going to be good. I thought I was doing good about getting in the depressed mode. Until, I thought about Ellie. I couldn't stop. I started reading her journal entries from the beginning and listening to Hey Ellie over and over again. I missed my girl so much. I just broke down. It took a little thought and I slipped. But I took a hot shower and by the time I got out, I had a new hope. I prayed and thanked God like I have so many times before. He helped me and I thanked Him again. I went to bed and was feeling good. Today was a sad day since I've been home. My heart aches knowing Savannah is gone. But I'm glad she's not in pain any longer. I looked for updates on her yesterday and saw she couldn't walk and could hardly move her arms. She didn't deserve that pain. I'm glad she is forever healed and will never have to worry about cancer, chemo, radiation, surgery, hospitals, or anything the last 5 years of her life have been about. She is at peace and I know she is forever watching over us with her big smile.
Sal's battle also ended the 19th. I've followed him for a year. He really touched my heart. I knew in the days before, he wouldn't have much time left. I hadn't been checking on him until the other day. God made me open his website the other day and I saw he was not doing well. I now know it's because he would soon be gone and I needed to cherish him while he was here. Now, he's gone. Rest in peace, sweet Sal. Forever 8<3
I'll be ending with a verse from Savannah's song, "Every Time Savannah Smiles"
"It's like a little piece of heaven peeking through the clouds, every time Savannah smiles."
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